Chapter Two: Crazy Dads

And so, to hunt down the illustrious Stefan!


Alaska: Hello, Stefan? ... Ah, glad you remember me. Yes, this is Alaska Bears, from the bar! ... Please stop asking me if I like trains, I have some important questions to ask you.


And so Stefan arrived and they hit it off very well despite his... weirdness.


One thing always...


... leads to the next.


Brandybuck, are you in here?
Brandybuck: Cease and desist that which wishes to enter in!
Okay, I'm coming in.
AGGHH!
Brandybuck: Dost though ever listen?


Astoria: I'm going to school!
NO ONE CARES!
Astoria: I FIND YOU ATROCIOUS!
Alaska: WHY ARE WE YELLING?
BECAUSE WE CAN!


Alaska: My, my, such a quiet baby. You're much quieter than your talkative brother Brandybuck.
Um, yah... about that-
Alaska: Not now. Constance needs her nap. Shh!


Alaska: And so Brandybuck, studying outdoors is a good thing. Vitamin D. Green is a creative color. Yah. Good stuff.
Brandybuck: The mammary gland bearing beast doth striveth to impart upon me such exquisite tidbits of knowledge.


Alaska: Astoria, stop asking stupid questions! Square roots are not cube shaped trees!


All the toys, and he picks a chess board.
Brandybuck: This object of logic is most engrossing.


As promised: a dishwasher. See, I keep my promises.


Alaska: Is it poisonous?
Why would I feed you poison?
Alaska: I heard rumors of the things you do to this species called "roleplay characters", and I find it most disturbing.
Just drink the stupid green stuff!


Alaska: WOWWZA!
How do you feel?
Alaska: Ecstatic! Fantastic! Stronger! Better!
Just don't binge on this stuff. Only drink it when you're happy. And don't let the kids near it.
Alaska: I love it!


Alaska: Yawn! Wait, what the?
Baby bump one from Stefan!


Hey, Alaska, did you make that phone call?
Alaska: What phone call?
To the Headmaster?
Alaska: EEP! He's coming over at FIVE! I need to get ready!


Alaska: Hello, and welcome to... sir? Sir? I'm over here...
Headmaster: I cannot even stand to look at you!
Alaska: I'm over here, dimwit!


Headmaster: I hate you, your house, and your Grilled Cheese!
Alaska: That's FINE with me, pal.


Insert stinky Alaska throwing impatient Constance in the air for her impromptu birthday.


Oh okay...
Constance Bears everyone!


I BOUGHT YALLS A BED FOR A REASON!


Alaska: And this is the potty! Use it!


Second baby bump from Stefan.


Such attractive faces you pull, dear.
Alaska: Whaaa-? Huh? Hrmph. *yawn* Nomnomnom...


Took to it like a fish to water. I so do love pet beds.


What are you doing?
Alaska: Calling the Headmaster. Maybe if I explain, he'll let us in.
Fat chance of that happening.
Alaska: Well, I happen to be fat.
What? That doesn't even- Oh whatever.


Alaska: Crap, I don't have his personal number.
Just go to bed and try again in the morning.


Oh, children! I love how they randomly interact so nicely!
Astoria: The bullet penetrates your right aorta, carving a perfect line through your chest and out your back along the spine!
Brandybuck: Upon suffering such a casualty, thine chamber of life doth tense and quake. Blood profusely cascades from my mouth as death's icy hand clutches at my very core!
.......... Children! ^^


A very quiet Constance continues to entertain herself.
Constance: Nay nay nay nay!


Astoria: Masticate to this!
Brandybuck: Upon my honor, this is NOT GRILLED CHEESE!!!!!
Astoria: Exquisitely superb!
Brandybuck: The glory... it's fading...


The next morning...
Alaska: OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWIIIIEEEE!!!


A sleepy little Dorian Bears!
*sigh* With black hair and brown eyes...


Alaska: That's the way! Come to Momma!


Alaska: I'm not going to crew up the Headmaster meeting this time, but I need your help.
Really now?
Alaska: PLEASE let me serve something other than Grilled Cheese!!!!!!
Oh, okay.


Alaska: Wait, what is all this stuff? I can't serve this!
You need to prep it, fool. It's chili con carne.


Alaska: Welcome to my humble abode!
Headmaster: Humble is not the word I'd use. Maybe... flamboyant?
Alaska: Judge not a book by its cover.
Headmaster: That is one fugly cover.
Alaska: We're going to get along great, aren't we?
Headmaster: It's so bizarre!


Alaska: And this is the living room!
Headmaster: The wonders NEVER cease!!!


Headmaster: I've seen enough. I want these crazy children in my school!
Alaska: But what about dinner?
Headmaster: Goodbye, Ms. Bears!
Alaska: Did I just hear a jingle?


Alaska: Say "horse".
Constance: Horse.
Alaska: YAY!


Constance: Horse.


Brandybuck: It pains my soul greatly to look upon this array of strategic elements and find not a single dragon.
It's not exactly a fantasy game...
Brandybuck: Not a single, solitary fire-breathing lizard! The agony!
Is this because of the pretzels?
Brandybuck: The glory of the Grilled Cheese is fading, I tell you!!!!


Not giving a rat's arse: Astoria Bears everyone.


Two Grilled Cheese? Someone's pregnant.
Alaska: THAT WAS A JINGLE! I KNEW IT!
Oh, yah, caught that, did you?
Alaska: AND WITH THE HEADMASTER!!!
Hey, now, don't be picky.


Brandybuck: Curse the day I ever placed cake within my inventory!
I'll get you some Grilled Cheese, buddy.
Brandybuck: IT MUST BE MINE!


Astoria: Goochie goochie goo!
Constance: Horse.
Astoria: Say whaa?


Holy Grilled Cheese! It's Brandybuck in uniform and he is soooooo cute!


*psycho theme*
I mean, HEY! It's Joe Carr!


Joe: Someone's happy to see me.
Alaska: You think!


Joe: Why didn't you return my calls?
Alaska: Shut up and keep kissing me!


Joe: Why hello there. I'm Joe Carr. What's your name?
Brandybuck: Brandybuck Bears. Alas, the art of speechcraft eludes me. Please do not be offended by my odd behavior, and at least attempt to decipher these hand gestures.
Joe: Eh, not a talker. Wanna play chess?


Father and son randomly playing chess. Savoring the moment.


Astoria: Might I inquire as to who that person in the living room is?
Alaska: Well, you see honey, birds and the bees-
Astoria: No thanks. Heard enough.


Joe: I've missed you.
Alaska: I've missed you too.


Baby bump one.
From the Headmaster. Not Joe. Boy, that would have been fast.


So sweet.


Joe had left very early in the morning, before anyone else woke up.
At breakfast:
Alaska: And so that's where these alien meals come from.
Astoria: I favor these delectable selections over the constant Grilled Cheese.
Brandybuck:...


Brandybuck: I hath arrested thine equestrian representation. What shalt thou doest now?
Constance: ... horse...


A grand reason to celebrate: TEENAGER TIME!


Astoria Bears! Teenager!
She rolled popularity and wants to be a Celebrity Chef. Probably so that she won't have to eat Grilled Cheese ever again.
She is attracted to robots and swimwear, or even better is robots IN swimwear. And she doesn't like logical people.
Kind of like those turn ons there.


But that night wasn't just for Astoria. Constance also became a child.


But wait!
Dorian Bears everyone!


Constance: Hooooorse!
Dorian: Gaaah gaah!
She seems determined not to let him get as lonely as she. Such a good big sister.


Astoria: Now I have stipulated the reasoning behind my mother's course of action in our upbringing. In such crass language: diapers suck.


Astoria: Mother, I understand.
Alaska: Um... that's great, Astoria.
Astoria: You are a worker of miracles.
Alaska: It's just Grilled Cheese...
On another note: second baby bump from the Headmaster. His name was Korey Kitmakusol by the way.


Astoria: One day...
One day what?
Astoria: No. More. Grilled. Cheese.